Read my first chapter?

http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.a...





It%26#039;s the first chapter of something I%26#039;d like to turn into a short story. I would appreciate it if you read it, and then gave me some feedback. Also, if you have an account on there, please feel free to comment on that site!
Read my first chapter?
um its good but there%26#039;s not enought dialgue and action. The whole first page was just chunky paragraphs
Read my first chapter?
i like it a lot. It%26#039;s interesting and it draws me in. You%26#039;re descriptions are really good. There are barely any dialogues but in this case it was a good thing. Keep writing!!!!!!!
Reply:wow....it was great, i would really like to read it when you%26#039;re finish
Reply:That was really good--it%26#039;s a great start.


Some careful editing would really polish it off.





First, you need to check for typos, grammar, etc.


And then, keep in mind that it%26#039;s better to show, rather than tell. This chapter does a lot of telling.





But I thought you did a great job showing us her nervousness and the importance of the audition. It was a good hook in the beginning.





So now you just need to trim it down, polish your description of the city, and don%26#039;t tell us that she really wants the part (show us, like with the example of the t-shirt).
Reply:it was pretty good, but it didn%26#039;t attract me in, sry, but i still liked it anyways ^^ i rate it a 5 out of 10
Reply:really good!!!